I really hate Baguio.

Blame the Limelight ... or Me?

                    I really hate being blamed for things that I didn't do as much as for things that I am forced to take responsibility into. So I just let things all go.
                    Think that I am selfish? Think more than twice. It is you who is selfish. You choose to go and backlash on me on things you haven't even laid even the tip of your fingernails on.
                    No, hunnie. You may not brag on me about your "pakikisama. You weren't even there! How could you deem your "pakikisama" as so holy to everyone?
                    I really don't care about sky-high grades nor Latin honors, per se. I already know what I am capable of. What I care about is what my colleagues could learn from me. I don't baby my colleagues. I don't tolerate slackers and I don't tolerate any bullshit.
                    You are free to rot in (course you'd predict I'd say hell but this is worse than hell) your selfish made-up world as the heroine who doesn't do anything but blabber.

LATER

[It’s too late for to start pretending. It’s too late for a new beginning. Later than the sunset, later than rain, later than I’ll never to love you again.-Later, Side A]

And we sat there as if it was forever.

The late afternoon sun is slowly waving its way down as it sets. A blue glimpse of the ocean is what we were seeing that time. We sat there side by side as if it was forever.

And as if it really was forever since I have known you and same as you for me. It was almost ten years. Ten years of friendship and loving. We went to the same school since kindergarten. It was really that long time that we've known each other. It was an amazing thing for us to overcome struggles and tests of this amazing thing called friendship.

When we entered high school, it is like a new brand of soda you will have to get used to. Our closeness slugged off. I was not aware of it until I realized I am missing something. It was you.

I miss those times when we talk non-stop of the things for hours. I miss every time we went home together. I miss someone who would piss me off just to make me smile. I miss when he went to my house to talk and let time pass. I miss this someone who would do everything just to protect me from harm. I miss this person a lot. I miss my best friend.

We have shared a lot of things. The things we like and dislike. We know each other's secrets and we were like family to each other. You were a near brother to me. It was a wonderful feeling to have you here with me whenever I need you, and whenever I do not.

And as those days passed I realized this accumulating feeling in me. It was hard and unacceptable. It is a heartbreaking mistake to fall for your best friend. For me, it was the worst thing you could experience with a friend. And I know there's just no way it's possible.

The old wooden bench has been very cold against my skin and maybe to you as well. It is creeping well under my skin. A jolt of pain happened inside me. I watched the birds fly freely above the ocean and the happy cheers of the people behind us. It is as if we were in a completely different world than the others.

The past is very great. Our past is a happy memory to remember. Though we had separated many times our bond did not. I am so lucky to have him here with me right now. His head is leaning on my shoulder as I watched the sunset gave way for the night. This was the most magical moment I could not imagine. A fairy tale come true. And then a sudden rush of cold wind blew into my face as if waking me from this dream as soon as possible. Telling me my fairytale is over before it could go on into a nightmare I wouldn't want to be in.

In reality, I did not really want to. I was just too afraid. Afraid that this insanity would lead us into a nightmare. Separating us at all cost. Afraid to show you and let you feel exactly what I am feeling right now. This feeling was different. It was coward ness. I am afraid to tell you. For the past years I have a coward toward you. I am glad it's over now. I have found someone new. Someone I know I could love in the open. Someone I would not afraid to show my feelings to. And this feeling for you have finally banished. It was a relief.

You woke up and mused at the surroundings. Everyone had gone back inside. It was very delightful now you are awake for I could not ponder anymore on how I feel for you. But suddenly your words betrayed me. It was deafening. Like a thunder clasped in my mind. You share the same feelings for me too. It was hard to believe but you made me. It was hard to choose, to choose between friendship and love. But I have decided. It was too late. This was never going to happen. I loved you and that was enough. I choose what I feel right now and that is to be friends with you till the end. It was hard to know how you feel. It was the hardest decision I ever have to make.

Love is in contrast between us. It will just be a mistake. It will never be.

And then I realized we were just best friends. That is all we're going to be.